I seldom write on first person basis, I don't trust (me, others) enough to do that. However, I have been having a terribly rough patch for the past four or so months forcing me to feel the urge to write more and more in that manner - hence, the side blog - wonderbot diaries. Noone has access to this one but me. Bit pointless it may seem - I have never been good at keeping diaries, but have always wanted to and I find typing allows for a more comfortable link to my brain than the pen on paper mode.
It has mildy helped.
Depression is a frightening and lonely thing. Noone quite understands it, noone quite knows what to do when they find themselves in the downward spiral it brings forth. You can hope others can help you, but they seldom can - as well-meaning and wonderful as they may be. It is after all your brain mind emotion loss worry fear and deep deep drowning sadness. It suffocates, disconnecting your actions from your mind.
It does not help to hear snap out of it; it's not that bad; time heals all; thats no reason to get this upset!; depression is something far more serious than what youre experiencing sweetie; kill yourself then - to cite a few. However, that does not mean that the above phrases hold no truth or actual solutions. It just does not help to hear it.
The thing about it is that it stems out of something so close to your heart, helping it to better grab hold of the same poor heart. Then you cry sleep shout hurt yourself engage in inane activities stare for hours and comtemplate the worst - its simply a battle youre waging against the damn thing but with each of those actions its hold on your heart gets worse.
Vicious cycle as it were.
Honestly, sometimes thinking about the grander scheme of things and how whether or not anything else in life is, death is a sure thing and won't let you down- sometimes - just sometimes - helps. Allows you to say, well my life will surely surely come to an end someday - so might as well try something else now.
Sometimes, the Universe steps up and the whole world goes out of the way to make you happy. That surely helps.
The trick is to Think even while your heart is being strangled by big-old-depression. And sometimes your mind just comes through for you. Says buddy, I got this and poof* you're happy again.
poof* yes.
[hum, not very scientific I understand - do not wish to offend/upset (further?) any similarly or otherwise depressed people.]
It has mildy helped.
Depression is a frightening and lonely thing. Noone quite understands it, noone quite knows what to do when they find themselves in the downward spiral it brings forth. You can hope others can help you, but they seldom can - as well-meaning and wonderful as they may be. It is after all your brain mind emotion loss worry fear and deep deep drowning sadness. It suffocates, disconnecting your actions from your mind.
It does not help to hear snap out of it; it's not that bad; time heals all; thats no reason to get this upset!; depression is something far more serious than what youre experiencing sweetie; kill yourself then - to cite a few. However, that does not mean that the above phrases hold no truth or actual solutions. It just does not help to hear it.
The thing about it is that it stems out of something so close to your heart, helping it to better grab hold of the same poor heart. Then you cry sleep shout hurt yourself engage in inane activities stare for hours and comtemplate the worst - its simply a battle youre waging against the damn thing but with each of those actions its hold on your heart gets worse.
Vicious cycle as it were.
Honestly, sometimes thinking about the grander scheme of things and how whether or not anything else in life is, death is a sure thing and won't let you down- sometimes - just sometimes - helps. Allows you to say, well my life will surely surely come to an end someday - so might as well try something else now.
Sometimes, the Universe steps up and the whole world goes out of the way to make you happy. That surely helps.
The trick is to Think even while your heart is being strangled by big-old-depression. And sometimes your mind just comes through for you. Says buddy, I got this and poof* you're happy again.
poof* yes.
[hum, not very scientific I understand - do not wish to offend/upset (further?) any similarly or otherwise depressed people.]